Mom Corps' Blog - Life, Work, Balance

Five Lessons From My Father

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 12:03:00 -0500

Several weeks ago, my iRelaunch co-founder Carol Cohen wrote a blog about nurses returning to work after a career break. For some reason, the blog unleashed a torrent of comments, mostly from young nurses complaining about old nurses or old nurses complaining about young nurses. While reading the comments trashing "the older generation," I couldn't help but reflect on the wisdom I have gained from my father, an 84--year-old businessman who is still working and thriving. So, without further ado, I present five lessons from my father. 1. They can't pay you enough to do something you hate doing. Don't get me wrong. My father enjoys making money and has been quite successful at it, but whenever I was trying to make decisions about my career, he always encouraged me to choose the option most in line with my interests, strengths and values. 2. When negotiating with a person or an institution, don't feel you've got to get it all resolved NOW. You'll often do better if you let the talks run their course. I remember my first real negotiation. I was trying to get a major lender to extend financing for an acquisition. The lender was one of those real "tough guys" who loved making people squirm. He would keep threatening me saying "if you guys don't put this provision in, we're walking." I'd call my father and say "Dad, what do I do?" And my father would say, "you don't have to answer him right now. Just keep moving along. Don't feel like you have to address this particular point today. Talk about other provisions on which you can agree." This was difficult but important advice for me to accept. By nature, I hate waiting and uncertainty. But this strategy has proved so powerful in so many situations that I simply put myself into "Dad negotiating mode" whenever necessary and prepare myself to hunker down and wait it out. 3. To be successful in business, sometimes it's a matter of outlasting the competition. Again, this advice ran counter to my nature. I was used to quick results and quick success. And earlier in my life I often bailed out of promising ventures a year or two too soon. Now I see that it takes years to build a name and a reputation, and if you take the time to do so you could end up outshining your flash-in-the-pan competitors. 4. Be open but focused. My father has taught me this more by example than by word. I've seen him seize on opportunities that he came across almost randomly, but they always built upon the core of his business. So while he was opportunistic, he never seemed to be "all over the place." I keep this in mind as Carol and I bump into potential ideas and business partners. We ask ourselves: does this person or organization fit with our general direction and goals or is it more peripheral? 5. At the end of the day, all you've really got is your reputation. My father learned this himself--the hard way. He was definitely cocky and overconfident early in his career. He occasionally burned bridges and let his pride get in the way. But as he aged he mellowed. He learned to fully value developing and preserving relationships. He's grown from being a "young buck" into an elder statesman, with all the diplomatic skills that implies. I only hope I'll have at least half the name he has. Carol Fishman Cohen and Vivian Steir Rabin are the co-authors of the acclaimed career reentry book Back on the Career Track: A Guide for Stay-at-Home Moms Who Want to Return to Work, and the co-founders of iRelaunch, a company that produces career reentry programs, events, and content for employers, universities, organizations and individuals. Download our webinar on LinkedInfor Beginners. If you're on career break in the Tri-State area, register for our Career Relaunch Forum October 29, 2009 at Seton Hall University in South Orange, NJ. Carol and Vivian can be reached at info@iRelaunch.com or follow us on twitter www.twitter.com/iRelaunch.

Tips to Emotional Wellness for Mothers

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 16:02:00 -0500

To all Mothers, Moms, Mama's, Ma's, Me-maw's and any other titles given to you as the caregivers, and nurturer's in life. It's Your Day! Let's begin by saying hands down that motherhood alone is by far the most difficult and demanding job in the world. We often think that being the president of the United States may come close. But mothers even have the president beat. I mean after all, he has a cabinet of people around him that will take the fall for him if necessary. He has veto power, 24-hour security, maids, cooks, advisors, speechwriters, informants, a mansion, and he doesn't even have to walk his own dog if he doesn't want to. He not only has one driver, but there are several cars in the motorcade, just in case his driver were to get weary. On the other hand, we have to begin by sharing our body with another human being, who can never appreciate that until they have to share their body. So forget telling your pregnancy stories to your kids. They can't possibly comprehend it. We are completely responsible for their life, food, clothing, and shelter. We have to cook, clean, wash, iron, shop, groom, clean up poop, wash walls, sign permission slips, coordinate schedules, taxi every child to every event, and oh did I mention wash. The tips below are to help you achieve emotional wellness and balance. 1. Organize Your Day
There is something to be said for organization. Things that are organized can flow more naturally and save a tremendous amount of time. Know what things that you have scheduled at work and home so that you won't find yourself being overwhelmed by time eaters. 2. Lose the Guilt
This emotion alone can weigh you down. It is like an invisible weight that tugs at your heart. Some working mothers feel guilty leaving their children because they have to work, while others feel guilty leaving their kids because they want to work. In either case, you wrestle with the fact that you may miss your babies first steps or you miss the school play because of a late night meeting, and heaven forbid you miss tip off at the basketball game. Understand that guilt comes along with being a mother. We can't be everywhere, do it all, and control all situations. 3. Plan Quality Family Time.
Quality family time has become a lost art. We think about family time when we plan our family vacations. That is the epitome of family time. Okay, but the vacation usually only last for a week or two. What happens with the other 50 weeks of the year? If you don't plan it, it won't just happen. Here two suggestions to get you started. 1) Plan at least 2-3 days a week where you can sit down and enjoy dinner together. That may mean the weekends but I recommend time during the week. It's a great time to keep in touch with your kids. 2) Schedule at least one day a month for family game night. 4. Set up Chores for the Family
In my last book, If I Have to Tell You One More Time, 6 Keys to Motivating Your Kids, I discuss how get kids to love to do their chores. Assigning chores and teaching your children how to clean up will not only save you money and time from having to hire someone or doing it yourself, but it also teaches them how to be responsible and prepares them for the future. 5. Don't Try to Be "Super Mom"
It's official; I give you permission to take your cape off. Somewhere in the early 80's after the commercial, I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never, never, never let you forget you're a man, cause I'm a woman broke onto the scene, gave us this indelible notion that we can "do it all." Well, I am here to say, we can't. There are only so many hours in the day and we only so much energy to accomplish before we run out of steam. We are not like the super heroes who have been given extraordinary powers to conquer the world. So stop comparing yourself to other mom's who you may think have it all together. Just focus on what you can do and let the rest go. Copyright- Dr. Lawana S. Gladney 2009
Excerpts from 50 Tips to Emotional Wellness For Working Mothers
For more information or to purchase a copy of You Can't Be Sick... I Have to Work 50 Tips to Emotional Wellness for Working Mothers go to www.emotionalwellnessinc.com.

There's Still Time -- How to Get those Summer Projects Done!

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 13:54:00 -0500

I couldn't believe it, I was in a store yesterday and they were busy marking down bathing suits and putting out sweaters. How dare they rush us through the seasons? According to my calendar we have two more months left of summer!

I have a lot of things I still want to get done this summer -- don't you? What is your plan to get it done?

Summer is a unique time of year. For a few short months everything changes. It's time to relax, enjoy picnics and barbecues with family and friends. There are so many people on vacation that phones stop ringing and offices are nearly empty.

With fewer people around to bug you at work and no homework to worry about, many people figure that the summer is the perfect time to get those long term lingering projects done -- but then September comes and those projects are still lingering.

The main ingredient for getting those projects done is not time -- although that helps! - It is to know what you want to do. With this in mind, here are a few steps to make your summer more productive. It's not too late!

1. Create a wish list. Allow yourself to dream big; imagine you had a magic wand, what would you like to accomplish this summer? 2. Review your wish list. It would be great if you could do it all, but it is probably unrealistic. So ask yourself -- If only a few of these projects can get done which would make the biggest difference in your day to day life? 3. Look at your SHORT list of high priority projects. Define what each project means. Get really specific. For instance, if "get organized" is on your list do you mean go through the paperwork on the desk? Get rid of the unnecessary papers? Find homes for what's left? If "redecorate" is on your list, what do you need to do? Pick a room to start in? Empty a room out first? Pick out furniture? Measure the room? The more specific you can get the better. 4. It's action time! What is one step you can take to move your well defined project ahead? When are you going to do it? By creating a plan that prioritizes, defines and schedules what you want to do, you will enable yourself to get it done. Come September you'll be able to look back on your relaxing AND productive summer.

So before summer passes you by, go ahead and create that master plan. About the Author
Carrie Greene is a Coach and Professional Organizer. Work with Carrie to declutter, get organized, be on time and cross things off your lists. Break the hopelessness cycle! Carry through & get things done.

Go to www.CarrieThru.com for free resources & Carrie's 4-part ecourse to calm the overwhelm and get you organized today.

Get Organized Today 7 Things You Can Get Rid Of!

Tue, 05 May 2009 18:04:00 -0500

OK, I'll admit it; I love getting rid of things. A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in my office and suddenly had the urge to purge. I filled four bags with papers, notes and other things that weren't serving my needs.

The reason I love getting rid of things is because of the space I discover. It's not only physical space I discover but also space in my mind. I get energized and become more creative.

What I've learned through my work with my clients is that I'm not the only one who gets a rush when space is created but sometimes it's hard to figure out what you can let go of.

When my clients and I talk about getting organized and decluttering the key question that we try to answer is: "What do I get by keeping the object i.e.: what's the value?" versus "What does it cost me to keep it?"

What you get, the value or benefit, is often measured in terms of usefulness, sentimental value and beauty. Cost is generally measured in terms of time, space and money.

Here is a list of seven things that generally cost more to keep then the value they give you in return.

1. Things that you have printed off the internet that you've been meaning to read. They take up physical space and often weigh heavily on your mind because you haven't read them. The really good news is that should you need any of this information in the future you can reprint it.
2. Old, travel size, half used bottles of shampoos, lotions, soaps, cosmetics, etc., that you simply don't use. These items take up valuable cabinet and counter space. It is true that some of the products may still be good and someone else could use them but unless you are using the products you are not getting any value from them and neither is anyone else. Give them away or throw them away and benefit from all of the found space.
3. Clothing that you will wear again when you lose 10 pounds or are stained, don't like or don't wear. These clothes are preventing you from finding the things that fit you and look good on you. Another benefit of getting rid of these clothes is that when you lose 10 pounds you'll get to buy something that you will really enjoy.
4. A gift you received that you don't like or will never use. Even if the person who gave it to you is special or the gift was expensive. What value is that gift giving you? Do you think that the person who gave it to you would want you to feel burdened by it?
5. Something that you bought for yourself, even if it was expensive, that you simply no longer like, never use or won't use again. What benefit are you getting from keeping it? How much space does it take up? How do you feel when you look at it?
6. Tools or gadgets that work great for someone else but don't work for you even if others swear by it. Just because it works for someone else does not mean it's right for you.
7. Knick knacks, souvenirs and other little things that you've collected over the years that remind you of a trip or experience. Do you smile when you look at it or does it get lost in a collection of stuff? Just because you don't have the souvenir doesn't mean you don't have the memory.

As you go through your things use these questions as a guide: " What value or benefit does this give me?
" Is it costing me more then I am getting from it?
" Does someone else what me to have or use it?
" Is it something I keep meaning to use but never seem to?
" Is it costing me more then it is worth to me?

My suggestion to you is get these things out of your home, office and life quickly. I know it can be difficult to throw out "good" things, especially these days, so you might want to plan a big yard sale or find an organization or someone to donate the things you no longer value but please do it quickly. Remember, unless you actually get rid of these things they are still costing you. Make the decision and act on it. You have a lot to gain.

About the Author Carrie Greene is a Coach and Professional Organizer. Work with Carrie to declutter, get organized, be on time and cross things off your lists. Break the hopelessness cycle! Carry through & get things done.

Go to www.CarrieThru.com for free resources & Carrie's 4-part ecourse to calm the overwhelm and get you organized today.

I'm tweeting are you?

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 14:36:00 -0500

I've just began using twitter.... Please come follow me at http://twitter.com/momcorps I promise, I won't tell you what I had for breakfast... I'm going to use it to let you know about hot job leads, mom corps news, as well as share some of the struggles that I too have as a working mom. Come follow me! I'd love to get to know our candidates better... See you on Twitter! Allison

Its Chic to Look on the Bright Side

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 12:38:00 -0500

Optimism is a key ingredient to success. Having owned my own successful consulting firm for three years, authored a bestselling book, and coached countless business owners to greater success, I have recognized trends along the way. The nature of a business owner%u219s attitudes and behaviors often dictate their success or failure. Optimism can seem too fleeting to teach, but it has a clear link to achievement. Here are five ways to increase your level of optimism: 1. Take time out each day to let your passion and purpose overwhelm you. This is not something you let happen once, it is something you visualize and let consume you daily. Create some kind of ritualistic way to passionately express and feel your optimism and enthusiasm every single day. 2. Purposefully visualize yourself participating in your own success. By using this technique routinely, you will come to understand that you are closer to achieving the success you desire than you think. You will become more positive, which will have affirmative effects on your presence. 3. Create a mantra. This is one, short sentence that you repeat to yourself throughout the day. It should be stated in the positive and have a meditative quality about it so you can zone in on. Used during meditation, mantras help your mind to focus and relax, thus allowing you to get in a more Zen place that will allow positivity to flow freely. 4. Use optimism as a tool. Being optimistic is also one of the most effective tools you can use to inspire yourself, ward off frustration and feelings of defeat and keep your spirits high. Carrying that energy with you will drive you forward daily to make your life%u219s dreams an enjoyable reality. 5. Write down positive things that happened to you during the day. These are things that you are to be thankful for and writing them down just before bedtime will allow you to ruminate on them during the night and wake up feeling more upbeat the next day. For more chic success, do one thing every day that will increase your level of optimism. If you have time, do more. A focus on getting your mind in an affirmative place is never a waste of time. With the expectation of a good outcome comes a good outcome. It's that simple and it's that much more important to focus on each day. Elizabeth Gordon is the author of "The Chic Entrepreneur: Put Your Business in Higher Heels".